i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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