I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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