I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
