Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
