Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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