im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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