He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
