We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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