Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
