Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
