i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
True college students do jello shots in the library
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