I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
