I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
