Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
