Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
