we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
