Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
