i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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