so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
