Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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