omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
