Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
