I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
