yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
