God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
