I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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