I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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