i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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