omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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