I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hippo gnu deer
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize