have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
