I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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