Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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