I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
