He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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