I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Randomize
