I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
