I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
