He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
