Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
