Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
