my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
