My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
