omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
