You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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