Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
