Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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