She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
