Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
