I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
