6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
