he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
