So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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