saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
