And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
