last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
