I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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