Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
