she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
