Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
