I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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