I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
