You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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