hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
