I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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